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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23180311">Eat Your Words</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticalmarigold/pseuds/mysticalmarigold'>mysticalmarigold</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>MASH (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Gen, Kellye - Freeform, Radar O’Reilly - Freeform, Scheming, This is cute, Worms, i wrote this a while ago but never published it, idk why!!! i like it :•)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 15:54:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>786</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23180311</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticalmarigold/pseuds/mysticalmarigold</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Radar and Kellye have had just about enough of Major Burns.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kellye &amp; Radar O'Reilly, Kellye/Radar O'Reilly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Eat Your Words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi! thank you for reading, this is something i kinda fiddled with but never took any further. i’ve yet to decide if i’ll go any further with this story, so if you like it, please let me know!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I just can’t take his vacuous, crackbrained excuses for surgery anymore! We had this kid with a hot appendix, right?” Kellye ranted, fuming and pacing back and forth in the motor pool under the blanket of night. Radar sat on the hood of a jeep, arms crossed and feathers ruffled. </p><p>“I ask him, I say, sweet as can be, ‘Doctor Burns, I think you may like to place a running pursestring suture around the base, just to be sure it won’t perforate.’ And you know what he says to me? Do you know what he says to me?” she hissed into the quiet darkness. Her bangs were falling into her eyes, something Radar usually thought was kinda cute, but she didn’t seem to notice or care. Well, not enough to do anything about it, that is. </p><p>“He says to me, ‘I don’t need the surgical opinions of a *nurse*, thank you. *I* went to medical school.’ Can you believe him? The audacity!”</p><p>Her voice wavered the slightest bit, eyes brimming with angry tears that she furiously wiped away before they got the chance to roll down her face. She sat down on the hood next to Radar, crossing her arms like his. He mustered up the courage to put a hand on her leg to try and comfort her, but she jumped off the hood of the jeep and started pacing again before he had the chance to say anything. Not that he’d thought of anything to say that would’ve made her feel better. </p><p>“It’s like I’m not a nurse, I’m just his secretary with a knack for handing off hemostats! I went to nursing school, Walter! I know a thing or two, and I bet you twenty bucks I read more medical journals in a week than he has his entire time in Korea!” </p><p>Kellye was shouting into the void, a fact of which she was well aware, but it was almost therapeutic to get all of this off her chest. She’d been putting up with this for so long. </p><p>“We have to get him back,” Radar mumbled after a moment. There was a mischievous look in his eye as he peered at the ground over his glasses, biting his thumbnail distractedly before looking back up at Kellye. Frank had called him ‘pipsqueak’ one too many times. </p><p>“Make him eat his words,” Kellye added, the look on Radar’s face bringing a smile to her own. </p><p>“Or something like that.”</p><p>“Or something.”</p><p>With a small *umph*, Radar hopped off the jeep and grabbed Kellye’s hand, the mischievous smile growing into something almost giddy. </p><p>“C’mere, I gotta show you something.”</p><p>Hand in hand, they jogged across the compound, Kellye trailing behind Radar as he cut corners and took her behind O.R., slowing to a walk as they approached a small hole in the ground. </p><p>Kellye looked at Radar, her suspicion evident on her face. </p><p>“...what the hell?”</p><p>Radar, wheezing ever-so-slightly from the run he should not have made himself take, let out a breath and took a knee, lifting up a piece of moss from the top of the hole.</p><p>“Kellye, earthworms!” he almost giggled, pointing in the hole. Kellye took a knee as well, squinting at the little pink creatures. </p><p>“My goodness,” she mumbled, “you grew earthworms! Walter, in a place where nothing good seems to grow, you grew earthworms!” </p><p>Radar blinked. </p><p>“Gee, yeah! I guess I hadn’t thought of it that way.”</p><p>His stomach flipped and flopped at the way she endeared herself to him without ever even noticing. It was in the movement of her hand brushing her bangs out of her eyes, or how her tongue stuck out just a little bit when she was really focusing on something. And now, it was in the way she looked at his little earthworm farm like it was the best thing since spun sugar at the county fair. His mind wandered, and soon he found himself wondering what it would be like to bring Kellye home to the Wapello County Fair. He and his Ma and Uncle Ed would usually show cattle and sell pickles and jams, but it would be so wonderful to sneak away and try all the food entered in the cooking competition, or—</p><p>“Hey, what’re you thinking about?” Kellye laughed as Radar flushed absolutely pink. </p><p>“Oh! I was, uh, just thinking about how we could get him back. Igor told me we were having spaghetti tomorrow. Special gift from that Italian Captain that came to visit.”</p><p>She beamed as she took a step closer to Radar. </p><p>“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”</p><p>“That we put worms in his spaghetti?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Oh. Well then, yes.”</p><p>“Oh, you’re brilliant, Walter!”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wanna contact me? Find me on Tumblr @sherman-potter and shoot me an ask! I love to hear from people who like my work!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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